oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
