if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
be right there i have to get my cape
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
