Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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