So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
