Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize