hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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