Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
