I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
