is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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