But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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