for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
