I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is my gift to your gina
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
