Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
