ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
