idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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