It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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