I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
