I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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