she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
