My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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