I think my fart just growled at me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
