Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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