Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
