you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
