Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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