If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
