If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
