The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
