My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
