That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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