My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
