Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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