So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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