you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
