a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
