What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
