I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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