If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
