I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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