just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I will be naked everywhere
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
