How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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