he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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