theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the day after is always just damage control
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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