I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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