I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
