He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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