i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will be naked everywhere
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
