I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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