his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
