i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
