so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
