Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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