How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
