she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
