Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
