People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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