I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
