shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
too bad you live with your parents still
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
