Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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