return my video game
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
