I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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