Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize