Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
