My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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