I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
